When I originally conceived of this blog and decided to make it into a reality, the intention was for it to function as a hub for my professional work and to showcase my widely varied skill set, but also, in a way, I wanted it to be a vehicle for my personality as a brand itself. It took me awhile to do so because I hate the idea that I could be so self-absorbed as to think that the world is really all that interested in me or the way I see things, but people had asked for it. I eventually decided to give in, despite my neurotic levels of self-consciousness. I do live a life I like to describe as big and colorful, and it’s a life I’ve always been very open about.
It was with this idea in mind that I decided to write about my personal life here, especially with regard to my wedding and the circumstances surrounding it. I felt secure enough in it that it seemed worth sharing. I’d been doing so on a much smaller scale for years anyway. I also felt a little like I was, at least in part, pioneering some sort of revolutionary social turf by being one of the first married gays in New York and I wanted to document that (as I document everything else in my life). So, when the marriage fell apart, I didn’t know how to address it here. This is further exacerbated by the fact that I didn’t handle it well—at all—and spewed quite a bit of my vitriol about it on pretty much every social media platform possible. When I did get ahold of myself, I decided I’d try and stay quiet as much as I could.
While I was still feeling vengeful about things, I contacted Jen Doll and asked if she’d like to write about gay divorce. She’d written about my wedding for the Village Voice, and it seemed to me a topic she might be interested in. She was, and we’ve had several conversations over the past months that resulted in the article published this morning in The Atlantic Wire, entitled “After Gay Marriage Comes Gay Divorce.” The evolution of my feelings on the matter has been such that I’m feeling less vengeful about the turn my life has taken and more like, again, I should be vocal. As I mention in the article, I do very much feel like the president of the loneliest club in the world.
How many gay divorcees do you know? It’s a horrible feeling to go through this huge life upheaval without the support of others who know exactly what you’re feeling. The closest thing I can liken it to is losing a parent. You don’t know that kind of pain until you’ve felt it, and I’m lucky enough to have an amazing support system in my life, but there is a certain lack in the knowing brand of sympathy that I’ve felt very deeply. If anything, it couldn’t hurt for someone who’s been through something similar to come across this and know that there is someone out there who really gets it.
I’m just starting to get to a place where I’ve absorbed and processed the blows, and where I’ve started to rebuild. I feel more and more myself every day, so expect to see more from me here in the coming days/weeks/months.